The 2022 Ontario Election is about Change, Chickens, and Booze.
Updated: May 18, 2022
Dear friends and neighbours in Ottawa Centre,
Would you like to sip a nice Merlot while having a picnic in Vincent Massey Park?
How about fresh eggs from your neighbour's backyard chickens in Hintonburg?
Or let your kids have a pop-up lemonade stand along the canal without needing a permit?
Well right now you can't, but if I am elected - YES WE CAN!
Together, on June 2nd, let's end this nanny state.
If elected, in my first 10 days I would:
Day 1: Donate 50% of my MPP salary to food banks, and hire a BIPOC/LGBTQ2+ team of advisors.
Day 2: Legalize chickens, goats, and community cows in Ottawa Centre, and give property tax breaks if you plant fruit trees in your yard.
Day 3: Legalize booze in public spaces because we're adults, not children.
Day 4: Connect all fitness gyms to the electrical grid as another source of renewable energy. #PeoplePower
Day 5: Get air conditioning and Virtual Reality headsets into all Long-term Care Homes.
Day 6: Introduce free post-secondary education and transit in Ottawa, and give David Thomson, Galen Weston, and Tobi Lutke, the bill.
Day 7: No rest here! I'll stop churches from ringing their bells, make them pay taxes, and take the 'catholic' out of 'catholic schools' and ‘catholic hospitals’.
Day 8: I will rename 'Lebreton Flats' to 'Lebreton Shacks' and allow 1000 temporary low-income polyblock homes to fill that space and help resolve the rental & housing crisis.
Day 9: End daylight savings time immediately. Even if it's just in Ottawa Centre.
Day 10: "Spark it up on Sparks Street!" I would turn Sparks Street into Canada's only 'Red Light' District, an international adult party destination, thereby fixing tourism and the economy in no time.
But wait.. How is this possible? Many of these things are not provincial jurisdiction, one might say.
True. The 3 levels of bureaucracy (Municipal, Provincial, and Federal) are a HUGE challenge to getting things done.
This red-tape jurisdictional jargon is exactly why our city was taken over by protesters for 3 weeks earlier this year, and why our city officials were so slow to respond. We need a less-complicated system that works better for us, and gets things done faster. Time is a luxury we don't have.
If elected, I would team up with City Councilors, the Feds, local businesses, and YOU to get things done the way we want it.
I would immediately form a new Direct Democracy Referendum Department (DDRD) tasked with designing a voting app that you could use to vote on every policy and bill. Imagine that? You, having a direct say on cross-jurisdictional policies that affect your neighbourhood, and your life, all on one app.
Other plans I have:
- Build a monument to the REAL Jack Purcell ('Wrong Guy' story here)
- Commission statues for Zexi Li, Chinadoll, Remi Royale, & others.
- Allow children to have lemonade stands in Ottawa Centre without needing a permit.
- Turn the experimental farm into the largest lab grown meat farm.
- Improve healthcare by accelerating the use of CRISPR tech, gene therapy, and therapeutic stem cell & organ cloning practices.
A GREEN-LIGHT TO LAB MEAT AND CRISPR TECH
Friends, when I'm elected as your MPP on June 2nd, I will make Ottawa's "Experimental Farm" much more "experimental". I will end cow farming in Ontario, and make lab-grown meat our number one export. I will green-light almost all uses for CRISPR Cas9 technology. We will export speedy-growing trees and repopulate clear-cut forests. We will take species off the endangered list, and even add brand new species! We'll reverse aging, and make genetic therapies part of national healthcare. We'll grow new limbs for those in need and print human organs to end donor waiting lists. When I'm elected I will change our national animal to the Chickowpig (a delicious combination of beef, pork, and chicken) made right here in Ottawa Centre!
Folks, I am the ONLY real candidate in Canadian history (thus far) that will make CRISPR technology and genetic engineering a focal point of our health, tourism, food & energy economy. This is no longer Science Fiction. It is Science Fact. Bring on a brand new renaissance. I believe we are ready.
Ottawa Center-ians, if food security and skyrocketing rent and home prices are a concern for you, or you're tired of government over-reach into your lives and pocketbooks, then vote for me, and together let’s end this nanny state. Just imagine. This summer, you could go get yourself some fresh eggs from next door, then go drink a beer without fear in a park down by the river. Fish for fun, anytime. Build a shack bigger than 10'x10'x10' without a permit, and then rent it out if you so choose. Be the master of your own domain! Vote None Of The Above!
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